You are what other people tell you to be - or not

Don' you just hate it when other people tell you who you are and what you should feel and think?

I think it's difficult to completely avoid that kind of people. They are everywhere!!! And what they give you are only negative energy and feelings.

The other day I met one - an arrogant and intolerant white gaijin with no hair on this head. He was really an idiot in every sense but instead of telling him to mind his own business, I played the sweet girl role...which I really regret (Did I mention I was at a job interview?Kinda...).

The best advice is cut them off your life (if it's possible). Like a person said in a article I once read: " I have met so many idiots in my life, who had tried to put me down and make me feel bad about myself...You have to get rid of them...Life is just too short to be surrounded by idiots..."

So true!!!

(P.S. I didn't take the job...)

Migration and its role in China

You can only feel sad when you watch the documentary
 'Last train home'.
It tells the story about migration in China and its human costs by following a migrant family for three years.

Life as a Chinese migrant is hard in every aspects!

I can't help thinking:

1. Would China still have experienced a growing economy without the migrants that work in factories for very low wages?

2. Would the middle class and new rich emerge in China without the very cheap labour force?

I think not.

But how many people recognize that the migrants indirectly play a big role, when it comes to China's increasing economic and political power in the world?

World Cup: who do you cheer for - them or us?

This summer World Cup is the biggest sport event worldwide.

I watch it, when I have time (not that I am a football fan but World Cup is always interesting...I think).

The other day I was watching a game and I suddenly recalled an episode from my high school time:
I was together with two girls from my high school and talking about World Cup, when one of them asked me a simple question: "Do you support the Danish team?"
I still remember the feeling I felt. Although she might not have the intention to offend me, she did.

By asking this question she indirectly alluded that I maybe wouldn't cheer for Denmark in national games, because I have another cultural background than Danish. For her it didn't matter that I grew up in Denmark, have Danish citizenship, went to Danish school my whole life and speak Danish fluently. She would still see me as somebody from outside and question my loyalty (even though she is half Danish and half Arab herself...).

The question made me feel that I was not a part of the Danish society (thanks a lot) and that she was in some ways superior to me. In this case you can talk about the exercise of symbolic power/violence.
The use of symblic power happens all the time, but many people are not aware of it because it's not visible. In the end people come to experience symbolic power as legitimate (which it isn't). I know now that I did...

Instead of expressing my true feeling that time (I was too nice and couldn't really tell why I was upset...) I smiled and said "Yes I do". But if she asks me today, I will probably still smile but answer her: "Yes, I do. Do you?"

P.s. I do like other football teams as well (don't we all?)...Enjoy the World Cup!

Sex and the city 2 - still sexy?

Last Sunday I went to watch “Sex and the city 2”, while my sweet husband stayed home and took care of the baby. Lucky me!

I didn’t really have any high expectations of the movie, since I have seen the first one, which I thought, was bad. Besides that almost every reviews of the new movie were not good. But I was positively surprised. "Sex and the city 2" is not so awful as many critics and bloggers claimed. I actually think that number 2 is better than number 1.
The first movie lacked the essence of the series. After all: the title is called “Sex and the city” and not “Love and the city” or “Carrie and her friends”, so sex and NY should be a big part of the plot. But the writers seemed to have forgotten that and nothing much happened. In my opinion there were too much products replacement and fashion show.
This is also the case in the new movie and NY only plays a minor role. But at least the humor and the sex are back. I missed that in “Sex and the city 1”.

I must admit that some scenes in the sequel were unrealistic and vulgar. In real life how many women would get a big diamond ring from their husband after telling him that you had kissed your old ex-boyfriend? (Maybe a swinger would…). And not to mention the description of the Arabs that was not very fair to them or to us as audience. How stupid do they think we are?
However, one of the good things about "Sex and the city 2" is that it does break down some taboos in the Western society. First, I am sure that many mums (as me) go around and feel guilty, because we sometimes secretly wish our freedom back. Only a mother understands, how hard it is to take care of a baby/child, but not many of us can actually talk about it without feeling that we are being judged? The reality is that being a mum is a 24 hours job and we also need to have a break and some me time. Those who says otherwise is lying or has a full-time babysitter (like Charlotte and Miranda. So what are they complaining about???).

The age thing is another taboo "Sex and the city 2" is dealing with. It was and still is a fact that women lose their value as a woman, when they are over a certain age. I read some blogs and reviews regarding the movie which show how judgmental many (even other women) are, when it comes to older women and sex/fashion. They pointed out that Carrie & company were too old to show their breasts and wear some of the clothes. Instead the women should know their age etc.
I can’t help thinking why they care so much and why is it a problem? Why is there something wrong with an older woman feeling attractive and enjoying her sexuality? Why does it provoke people?
In my opinion this is just another kind of (female) oppression. Dictating what older women can do and not. Don't we all have the right to express ourselves? (Well, according to somebody we don't.)
I really hope that I will feel liberated from this kind of bullshit, when it is my turn...

P.s. Carrie is still annoying…but I am still looking forward to "Sex and the city 3".

Fieldwork - part 1

After a year break I am redoing my fieldwork. The topic is about gender issues and identity in Japan (which are things I can relate to....).
I now am trying to find informants (human sources) to interview, which is not that easy. Some people are afraid that their English are not good enough to answer my questions. While other maybe think it is waste of time.
I actually thought that a university professor, my husband know, could help me by introducing his students, but no. He was concerned that some students would find my questions about gender insulting and end up complaining about him or suing the university (Well, to his defense it could happen...or maybe not).
I guess problems and obstacles are a part of doing fieldwork in general.

To gather data I am using different kind of methods. Besides observation, participant observation, informal conversation and interviews with tape recorder I am also doing interviews by mails. I was in the beginning worried if I could use the last method, since the interaction between me as an anthropologist/ethnographer and the informants are important too. In some cases I don't have a choice, since it is the only way I can conduct an interview with informants abroad or people who are more confident in their written English. However, I do believe that the method can be used and the data are relevance...

In the context of my fieldwork I am reading Dorinne Kondo's book "Crafting Selves". She is an anthropologist and the book describes her own fieldwork in Japan. According to her the "self" is not fixed and we do therefore not only have one identity. Instead she views the 'selves" as multiple, gendered and power as a significant factor, when it comes to crafting our identities.　
I totally agree with her. It was also a pleasure to find somebody else, who have the same thoughts and experiences as me (even though we don't have same cultural background) about/in the Japanese society.　

Asian Beauty - big eyes and white skin?

Since I have been to Asia many times and now live in Japan, I know how (many) Asian people here define beauty. The definition is always: big eyes with double eyelids, white skin and a narrow nose.
Because of that many people would probably jump to the conclusion that a lot of Asians secretly desire to look like white people. Maybe it is true to some extent, since we still live in a white man's world (even the election of president Obama hasn't changed this fact...yet). Many talk show programs in United States for example often let us believed that this is the reason why many Asians want to have double eyelids etc. However, what people seem to forget is that some Asians do have natural double eyelids and that white skin has been a beauty ideal long time before there was any contact between East and West (geisha is a proof...). In Asia (and Europe) white/fair skin was a way to show that you were rich and didn't need to work outside (like in the field). So it has originally nothing to do with white people, even though it may be the case now.

In the end what is beautiful or not can often not be defined. It all depends of the eye of the beholder.

Otona kawaii – is that cute？

A few weeks ago I watched a TV show about a new phenomenon here in Japan (...well, I do think it's a new thing...). As a viewer you followed the life of a beautiful model and were in this context introduced to the word ‘otona kawaii’, which literally means ‘adult cute’.

In the Japanese society you would normally not describe a woman over 30 as kawaii. But it's maybe going to change, since you can find an increasing number of people who look, dress and act younger than their age. The model in the program was a good example of that. She looked and act like what you would call kawaii, even though she was no longer in her 20s.

However, the questions are, can and should adult women be cute?

30 and then what?

Turning 30 this year was not fun. Actually becoming older hasn’t been fun for a long time, but this time it was different. Maybe it is because society and people view you in another perspective, when you stop being in your twenties. In Japan a woman is for instance no longer an “oneesan” (sister), when she becomes 30. Instead she is called an “obasan” (aunt). The change of referring indicates that she now belongs to another segment and was originally a way to show respect. Nowadays, however, nobody really desires to be called an “obasan” (I know that I don’t…), because it is as well a sign that you are not considering to be young any more. And let’s face it: everyone would like to stay forever young, since it is no secret that youth is equal beauty in many societies and cultures, like here in Japan. Who doesn’t want to be attractive? I remember the feeling I had the few times I was called an “obasan” by my mother-in-law (who by the way　seemed to enjoy calling me that…I wonder why…). But it is not the only reason that I turned 30 with (not happy) tears in my eyes. I was also concerned about what I could do and not do in terms of my age. You can’t escape it. Different age, different rules. An example is your clothing. General speaking there are more rules, when it comes to Japanese fashion, because you are expecting to dress after your age. The question is though if you should change, because society expects you to do so? Should you really let other people define who you are or tell you what you can or can’t do? Most people would say no, but it is, without any doubts, difficult to totally ignore the rules and structures in a society. I guess that we are all afraid to be judged and feel outside. What we can do is maybe finding a way to adjust and at the same time make ourselves happy. Turning 30 was also a wake-up call – perhaps because of the symbolic meaning I put in this birthday. For me it was something special to become 30, but my husband didn’t share my feelings. He thinks that age is just a number and that I was too much… (He should speak…I do recall a person who as well was sad when he turned 30 three years ago...) He may be right about the age thing, but every birthday is a reminder that we don’t live forever. However, we don’t really think about it before we are close to the thirties. Even though I have given it some thought in my late-twenties, I have now finally realized that I can’t keep wasting any more time. Some people say that the thirties are the new twenties, which I want and choose to believe. But the fact is that we are all getting older. Since nothing can be done about that (who wants to be Benjamin Button anyway???), the question must then be: What do I really want to do with my life?...and do it.